WHY DO THEY ALWAYS SLICE THEIR PALM TO GET BLOOD. do you know how many nerve endings are in your hand?!?! why don’t they ever cut the back of their arm or their leg or something omfg

me everytime a character in a movie has to get a few drops of their blood for some ritual bullshit  (via jtoday)

WHILE WE’RE AT IT, why do people try to cross those skinny bridges over lava/chasms/whatever by walking upright. IT’S CALLED CENTER OF GRAVITY. get on your hands and knees and crawl across that thing. HUG IT. SCOOT YOUR BUTT ACROSS. “but i look stupid!” lalalala but we’ll avoid that ~dramatic moment~ where you almost fall over and die because your damn fucking self wanted to look COOL

(via jtoday)

and stop yanking IV lines out of your arms the minute you wake up in the hospital 

(via panconkiwi)

That is a broadsword, why are you fencing with it

(via gallifrey-feels)

There is a freaking door right there. Stop smashing through windows, damn it.

(via intheforestofthenight)

yes, mr. action hero, I am aware that running dramatically from the baddies at breakneck speed is important, but know what else is important? NOT GETTING SHOT. RUN IN A FUCKING ZIGZAG PATTERN ON THE OFF CHANCE THAT THE MOOKS WERE NOT COACHED IN MARKSMANSHIP BY THE IMPERIAL STORMTROOPERS.

(via pterriblepterodactyls)

Oh, hey, you there, sneaky hero-type breaking into any place for any reason? WEAR SOME FUCKING GLOVES. They’re called fingerprints, dumbass. You have them and you’re putting them all over the fucking place.

(via dawnpuppet)

If something really fucking huge is falling on you, don’t FUCKING RUN ALONG THE LENGTH JUST TAKE LIKE TWO FUCKING STEPS TO THE SIDE

(via takshammy)

wEAR A FUCKING HELMET OBERYN YOU LITTLE SHIT

(via brigwife)

And for god’s sake, PUT PRESSURE ON THAT WOUND, DON’T SIT THERE AND WATCH THEM BLEED OUT. I’m talking to you, TV cops.

(via fixyourwritinghabits)

none of these people want movies to exist.

(via lackyannie)

264,481 notes

realhousewivesofnightvale:

PROFESSOR CARLOS THO

  • His syllabus probably just says the word “SCIENCE” in all caps and maybe the mandatory university academic honesty policy because he didn’t know what to write
  • He is TOTALLY one of those professors that goes off on tangents about really specific stuff that’s not going to be on the exam but he thinks it’s cool and he takes up about 15 minutes of the class going on and on about quarks in the middle of a lesson about acids and bases and no one knows what to write down
  • His tests are probably either super easy or super hard because he doesn’t dedicate enough time to making them so he might have questions like “The mitochondria is the what of the cell?” but then the next question will be to recreate the entire Krebs cycle from memory 
  • He introduces each new unit with a Bill Nye the Science Guy video (sometimes he switches it up with the Magic School Bus) 

(Source: spoopyhousewivesofnightvale)

195 notes

orlandobloomfistmeintheass:

nazipervert:

"I’ll just leave that there"

damn homie just ripped his arm off and walked away that is some hardcore shit right there

orlandobloomfistmeintheass:

nazipervert:

"I’ll just leave that there"

damn homie just ripped his arm off and walked away that is some hardcore shit right there

(Source: haus-of-ill-repute)

107,646 notes

parkway-nosedive:

trauntwave:

not every single long sentence is a song title by fall out boy 

there are two ways to read this

245,437 notes

celestial-sexhair:

cake-full-of-fist:

captain-raptor:

bookishbutcorruptible:

tacoderps:

mamakarkat:

i think this person is a wizard

when you don’t compete in the olympics because you want it to be fair

I don’t think Aang is the last airbender.

i’m in love with how the “flip at your own risk” sign pans in dramatically and he does fifty flips in midair right in front of it and sticks the landing pose like “go fuck yourself i do what i want”

all the awards for that comment

how

celestial-sexhair:

cake-full-of-fist:

captain-raptor:

bookishbutcorruptible:

tacoderps:

mamakarkat:

i think this person is a wizard

when you don’t compete in the olympics because you want it to be fair

I don’t think Aang is the last airbender.

i’m in love with how the “flip at your own risk” sign pans in dramatically and he does fifty flips in midair right in front of it and sticks the landing pose like “go fuck yourself i do what i want”

all the awards for that comment

how

(Source: 4gifs)

862,193 notes

justonemoment:

dannycarter:

russianmadness:

thefaceofbro:

jagged1:

discopeanut:

bansand:

nice gender did your mom pick it out for you

No, my dad did.

I literally scrolled past this and then scrolled back up real quick to reblog because I finally understood the joke. 

I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND

i’M LAUGHING SO HARD

(Source: basnad)

398,744 notes

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

  • Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
  • Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
  • Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
  • Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
  • Dad: Hey are you awake? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
  • Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
  • Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
  • Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
  • Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
  • Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
  • Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
  • Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
  • Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
  • Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
  • Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
  • Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
  • Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
  • Dad: Fuck the government.
  • Dad: Fuck the school board.
  • Dad: Close the door.
  • Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
  • Dad: I love puns.
  • Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
  • Dad: Please shut up.
  • Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
  • Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
  • Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
  • Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
  • Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
  • Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
  • Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
  • Dad: They act like I care what they think.
  • Dad: I hate homework.
  • Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
  • Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

236,939 notes

kavaeric:

So I was trying to draw the Sydney Opera House and so I downloaded a model on Sketchup to reference from

it was all fine and cool but then I noticed an odd speck in the middle of the deck thing

image

so I zoomed in

image

3,919 notes

kavaeric:

So I was trying to draw the Sydney Opera House and so I downloaded a model on Sketchup to reference from

it was all fine and cool but then I noticed an odd speck in the middle of the deck thing

image

so I zoomed in

image

3,919 notes

For a children’s show, Adventure Time is full of adult fears

calwaverly:

tumblrisweird:

Being unable to care for your child

image

Being overpowered by your child

image

Being manipulated into an abusive relationship

image

Being attacked by your spouse

image

Depression and attempted suicide

image

Threat of miscarriage

image

Losing a loved one (or yourself) to Alzheimer’s

image

Not to mention a goddamned nuclear apocalypse

image

Adventure time isn’t a kids show. It’s a people show.

163,091 notes